Once Upon A Time... an illegitimate love child of royal lineage was abandoned at the edge of a woodland in Berkshire. Raised by velveteen owls in a sonic aviary, by the twilight he would twit and twoo a merry tune.

One wise old bird told him that he was destined to greatness for entertaining them with his fine melodies. In return they fed him well on mice and housed him in an Elm tree overlooking a substantial castle. Some local squirrels hoarded nuts in canny nooks.

He hoarded songs in rotting roots, keeping them safe, precious and... exclusive.

Once Dutch Elm disease set in there was no room left for him at the avery and a darkness set within our hero's comportment. After many restless days and nights among the copse, he found himself foraging for nuts and berries by the river. There he came across some boys fooling about at the banks of the Thames.

Seeing fit to help himself to the vestments of what turned out to be a local choir boy, he assumed a new identity and attended the church services of a local public school. Discovering that he rather enjoyed a good sing song, for a few years he learned the finer points in life from those privileged young oiks and set out to fulfill his destiny - to share culture with the great unwashed wherever and however he so wished - for it was the prophecy of the Velvet Owl.

Rejection from his royal inheritance and shame over his avian upbringing brought him to retain his anonymity. Despite being the talk of London, only his followers and possibly the Prince of Wales know The Velvet Sneaker's true identity. But always, he appears in the most elusive corners of our great capital, hoarding precious musical diversions and cultural miscellany only for those who dare to receive it.